Chapter 1 - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
What is one example of "small stuff" that you let get to you recently?
One thing that I’ve been letting get to me recently has been overthinking my future to the extent of it ruling my thoughts when I have time to think and am not busy. Like when I am driving or when I am at work, since I am usually doing tedious tasks at work. I actually do not overthink things much, so this has been a recent thing, and has proven to be very exhausting. I’ll get so engrossed in thinking about how I’ve messed up certain parts of my high school career too much, so I won’t get into a college I’ll be proud of going to. I’ll beat myself up for not having been “perfect” enough of a student in the past. Then I’ll start thinking about a great thing that has entered my life recently, and I stress and stress and stress about how that thing will be able to possibly remain in my life while I move on to college. This gets really bad some days, and I will cry throughout the whole day, and let it negatively affect my mood for an extended period of time. Looking at it all now, I say these are “small things” because I know that they do not matter to the extent I make them matter in my head. The future is to worry about in the future, and my mistakes of the past are in the past, which I cannot alter no matter how upset I get about it all.
School has helped me so much in just the five days I’ve had it because it is something I have a lot of passion for. The overthinking that haunted me for almost half of my summer has been relieved just by focusing on myself again, and virtually by having something to feel personal success in. It is interesting how much my perspective of school has changed simply because of how last semester went for me. This is very comforting to me, and makes me believe that despite feeling so disappointed with my academic past, it has provided me with some perspective: depression escalates very easily and quickly, so once I detect it, I know I should address it; I would not be the person I am right now if I wasn’t imperfect.
When I think about the little things that make me joyous on a day to day basis, it helps me not hyperfocus so much on things will progress in the future.
I have been doing fantastic this last week. I have felt very fulfilled and present, which is all I could hope for. I’m proud of myself for learning little by little the best ways to comfort myself after the abundance of overanalyzation I’ve done.
School has helped me so much in just the five days I’ve had it because it is something I have a lot of passion for. The overthinking that haunted me for almost half of my summer has been relieved just by focusing on myself again, and virtually by having something to feel personal success in. It is interesting how much my perspective of school has changed simply because of how last semester went for me. This is very comforting to me, and makes me believe that despite feeling so disappointed with my academic past, it has provided me with some perspective: depression escalates very easily and quickly, so once I detect it, I know I should address it; I would not be the person I am right now if I wasn’t imperfect.
When I think about the little things that make me joyous on a day to day basis, it helps me not hyperfocus so much on things will progress in the future.
I have been doing fantastic this last week. I have felt very fulfilled and present, which is all I could hope for. I’m proud of myself for learning little by little the best ways to comfort myself after the abundance of overanalyzation I’ve done.
Chapter 2 - Make Peace with Imperfection
How does your 'ego' distract you? i.e. judgement, fear, anxiety, depression, comparison, hatred, anger, and more...
My fear, comparison, judgment, overthinking, and anger all affect me, maybe not on a daily basis, but they definitely do. My overthinking results in fear and comparison. My lack of consciousness (not taking a second to breathe and take a step back) results in anger and judgment. I think a lot of this has to do with me not dedicating enough energy and time to focusing on the things I am grateful for that make me happy. After all these negative thoughts and emotions arise, I am definitely aware of their presence and how they affect me, the hardest part is efficiently dealing with them in the moment, and not exacerbating my whole situation. I am very happy with my life at the moment, but I let my small difficult moments define my day. “...what you plant, you will harvest later,” is such an important quote to me this year because I want to work and bring happiness into my life in favor of me and my future; I want to be proactive. The sooner I take action to improve these aspects of my life that are difficult now, the sooner they will turn into I can easily overcome after my hard work.
Chapter 3 - Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers
Thoughts: When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires and concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others.
I think that inner peace is difficult to achieve, and I believe that it takes a very long time. Right now, I’ll think of moments where I felt inner peace:
- Being in a deep trance while working, you are completely invested and are not concerned about the time or about how you feel, that is peaceful to me. Allowing myself to be patient enough to get to that point during my work.
- The feeling after I finish a long run where I worked hard, and I get a drink of water and stay outside in the cool, thinking about nothing really. I stretch and enjoy the feeling.
- Touch, I enjoy being close and showing affection, it gives me such a sense of calm and relief that is hard for me to achieve otherwise. This touch with someone I love displays a lot more than words.
- Deep stretch yoga, where I am very conscious of all the spots of my body and exactly how they feel. Whether I do this in the morning or at night, I adore it and it brings me peace and feel-good happiness and gratitude.
- Spending a day with friends, filled with so much laughter. I’m at peace when I’m with them because I think nothing more than of the present and how much I enjoy their company. I am not thinking about myself or making any judgments about anyone.
Chapter 4 - Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking
Do you notice how your body and mind feel when your thinking is out of control?
When my thinking is out of control my mind feels very overwhelmed and jumbled. As for my body, I cry very easily and frequently feel knots in my throat. My mind is affected the most though, and I have a very difficult time driving on my own without getting upset or trying to get through something I might have to do that day that I don’t enjoy. Whenever this happens, it will usually happen for multiple days or even up to two weeks. The only time it doesn’t extend out so long and make me feel so terrible is when I nip it in the bud very quickly and tell myself to ignore the thinking. At first, this makes me anxious because I feel like it is a bad and inefficient coping mechanism, so I am hoping I can find better ways.
Chapter 5 - Develop Your Compassion
Can you recall a time when you made something "big" and dramatic when in reality it was "small" and not that big of a deal?
This was happening to me a lot right before school started, and I was generally not much of an over thinker before that. I was overthinking the state of my interpersonal relationships to the point of tears almost every day, with there being things that trigger me to overthink and dig myself into a deeper hole multiple times throughout the day. I was stuck in the future, freaking out about how things are going to change. In reality, this isn’t a big deal because I have other things to focus on. I never searched for a solution for this extreme overthinking, but I started school again and seeing my friends more often and suddenly it stopped, and I was so much happier. Little accomplishments like finishing all the homework I planned to finish for the night, cleaning my car, or getting ahead on work made me not worry so much about future issues that aren’t my concern. I know that I shouldn’t be worried about the future state of my interpersonal relationships because my happiness right now is what matters most. Any plans for the future couldn’t matter less right now.
Chapter 6 - Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty
What does your "in-basket" look like? And will it be there tomorrow...
My in-basket right now is filled with homework, cleaning out my phone pictures, improving my diet, starting to work out again, starting therapy, doing yoga every day, doing meditation when I need it, and working on college applications. Honestly, my in-basket isn’t filled with too much, and it’s not filled with crazy big ideas either. Maybe it’s just because I’m not too concerned and I trust time and the process of things pretty well, or it’s because I don’t obsess over everything I “have to do” as much as I used to anymore. What I prioritize in my “in-basket” is due dates and my well being, and I don’t think I overdo it. Due dates mean my homework, and my well being means my diet, working out, therapy, yoga, and meditation. These are all not super challenging things for me to achieve. I recognize that my “in-basket” will be full when I die, but I’m fine with that because honestly, my in-basket is something I rarely ever think about.
Chapter 7 - Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences
Do you believe you are a strong listener or could use some work?
I believe that I could use some work in my listening skills. I have noticed in the past how some people react when I unconsciously interrupt them, and it startles me as well, and I’m ashamed! This is actually a bad habit I am trying to break. The conversations I have with people are 10 times less tense and stressful when we both allow each other to speak what we want to say. This doesn’t mean that I can’t engage with the other person, it actually means that I can be more engaged by listening to each piece of what that person has to say without trying to get my word in. I find myself much more present in conversations now because I try to remind myself to make the conscious decision to be in the present in life, not in the future or in the past. Meditation has helped me with this form of self-improvement. I have recently noticed that I do a lot of things in my life without much thought. I run through the motions without being present and thorough. This is something I am working on because I know the benefits that come with breaking this habit. One of them is being someone others can see as a person they want to come to talk to because they know that they can trust me to listen to them.
Chapter 8 - Do Something Nice for Someone Else-and Don't Tell Anyone About It
Recall a time you have given, did you expect acknowledgement?
I can’t think of a specific instance right now, but I can think of generally how I give to others and subconsciously expect some type of acknowledgment. Whether that be the person posting a gift I gave them on their Instagram or Snapchat story, or someone publicly appreciating me for my character. I don’t go out of my way to give gifts for the sake of recognition, or to be a good person for recognition, but I know that deep in me it is something that I will occasionally consider and hope that happens. This part of my character has transformed though. There is a big part of me now that does good deeds and treats people with kindness solely for the sake of helping someone feel appreciated and seen. After I endured hardships with how I see myself and my mental health, I see simple interactions much differently from how I saw them before. Things like treating someone in customer service with respect and a smile or complimenting a stranger are forms of kindness that I have received myself, so now I see myself desiring to put forth the effort to treat others in the same way, just to make their day a little more tolerable than it may have initially been. You never know what someone is going through.
Chapter 9 -Let Others Have the Glory
Have you ever experienced someone stepping on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel?
I am sure that I have experienced others stomping on my glory, but I do not remember a specific instance. I know that this makes me feel disappointed and frustrated. When this happens to me I speak up about it. I directly speak to that person about how they made me feel and why they made me feel that way. I never have or will ever intentionally stomp on someone’s story or glory. I would never intentionally do this because I understand that people feel underappreciated, overlooked, and confused when they aren’t accredited for their accomplishments, hard work, or dedication. The feeling of being underappreciated often leaves people confused not knowing how to react.
Chapter 10 - Learn to Live in the Present Moment
What are some ways that you work to stay in the present moment?
Staying in the present moment has been a very relevant part of my life recently. Yoga and meditation practices always preach self-awareness and staying in the present, but it has always never really sunk in for me until now. I like to stay in the present now by doing hot yoga; hot yoga is definitely the activity that I can stay in the present the most while practicing it. I also practice meditation to help me stay in the present. This is harder for me though, as in meditation I am just staying still and it is easy to get in my own head. I have also been trying to incorporate staying in the present into my running. I went on a run for cross country earlier this week and I finished feeling so proud of myself. I had finished the 5 mile run while focusing on my exhaling, running the entire thing with a consistent pace. I didn’t get stuck in my head and felt very present with the breathing method
Chapter 11 - Imagine that Everyone is Enlightened Except You
Think of a time when you were frustrated, now look at it as a moment of being taught... What did you learn?
When I think of me getting frustrated, I remember times when my sisters may have triggered me to get temperamental. These are moments when I don’t hold back much since they are my family. Looking back at these situations now, I see that I didn’t feel the greatest after expressing anger toward my sister. I would feel a little guilty, naturally worked up, and uptight after. Analyzing it all, I see that the frustration isn't worth it at all because I can easily step back from the situation and try to look at it from a different perspective to avoid any feelings of frustration. I can step back, breathe, and think about a more positive way to approach it all.
Chapter 12 - Let Others Be “Right” Most of the Time
Challenge: The next time you are in a discussion/argument, let the other person be right and take notice of the initial feeling that transpires.
Most of the arguments I get in are not right or wrong arguments. With my mother on one topic I suppose it could be considered a right or wrong argument, but I will never stop standing my ground because it is a very serious topic regarding her. There are not a lot of situations in my life that I think are worth arguing for, so I never get into the right or wrong arguments in the first place. If I do, it is something very meaningful, serious, and important for me, so I will always stand my ground. I suppose I am not following the advice then necessarily, but I know that if I ever got into a small argument to prove something back, I would simply not care enough and would stop talking.
Chapter 13 - Become More Patient
Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in this world and your ‘drama’ isn’t that big of a deal?
Yes I do have these moments where I realize I am small in the world and that “my drama isn’t a big deal”. I don’t appreciate this view a lot though to be honest. Having the perspective that little things in your life are less of a big deal because of how small you are and how big the world is, undermines our existence and its importance. I will often hear a lot about how “our lives are irrelevant and barely even matter, just look at how big the Universe is”, so do whatever you want. I think this is a bad way to view our issues in life. It has never helped me feel better anyway, it just attempts at convincing me to be more careless. A way that I help put my issues into perspective (I don’t view any issue as small, because if it upsets me then it is a significant issue) is I tell myself that I will be okay. I just try to comfort myself. When I am having intrusive thoughts and anxieties that I’ve had many times before, I remind myself that it is not worth all the negative feelings just to think of the same thing that makes me anxious and depressed all over again.
Chapter 14 - Create “Patience Practice Periods”
Do you have a “mantra”, a statement, that you make yourself daily or weekly?
No, I do not have a “mantra” that I make myself daily or weekly. If I am struggling with something in my life at the time, I do often write a quote on my weekly schedule whiteboard, and it stays as a reminder for me to feel more at ease in my hard times. This week “Trust in the world, time, and destiny” because I was having really bad anxiety about my future when I was alone with a lot of time on my hands or while I was doing simple tasks at work. These mantras actually do help me, and I find myself repeating something similar like them to myself throughout the day when I am struggling.
Chapter 15 - Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out
"Have you lost a relationship because something "small" created a "big" divide?
Yes, I have lost a relationship because something “small” created a “big” divide. It was five years ago though, so very irrelevant. Looking back on it and being honest with myself I know that I was super upset by the situation, but I also know that I did all that I could. Truthfully, the other individual was being very unkind and at that point it was completely out of line and out of my control too. I started to realize that if the thing that upset her caused her to lash out at me instead of just speaking to me about the concern, it wasn’t really worth my time. Naturally we were not friends anymore because her behavior was a big red flag to me and we grew apart, so it was not a big deal. Now it is something so irrelevant that if we ever talk now neither of us remember it or care. I don’t because she was a child and I’m assuming she is different now, but anyway why would I be concerned about it since it happened when we were 12. This has never happened to me with any other recent relationships because I do not like being on bad terms with people and I do not hold grudges, unless a person is abusive. If a person is irrational and I can’t get along with them, I simply don’t talk to them and don’t try to form a relationship. It doesn’t mean that I have a grudge against them, but if there are billions of people in the world why would I spend my time trying to get along with someone who I’m naturally not compatible with. This has never happened to me though with a person, this is just what I plan to do in the future if it happens. I also have just never lost a recent relationship because I surround myself with select people that I value, and I have never allowed a situation to escalate so seriously as to ruin a friendship.
Chapter 16 - Ask Yourself the Question, "Will This Matter a Year From Now?"
What do you hope to do a year from now?
A year from now I hope to be in college at one of the universities I applied to. My plan is to major in Public Health or Human Development, and then minor in Spanish and Nutrition. I hope to look into Student Government at my future university, and I already know that at some schools they have the opportunity for students to be “Senators”, where you help make school wide policies, so that is a possibility. I am also interested in Greek Life and joining a sorority, which is another possibility. I think this would be a great way to start making friends on campus, I don’t know if it will be my cup of tea though. What I know for sure is that I want to prioritize my mental and physical health a year from now. I hope to be exercising five days a week, and to keep myself moving everyday. I hopefully will be able to do some type of online therapy through my mom’s insurance or through the school I attend. I will be trying my very best to sleep eight hours a night as well. I also hope to learn more about nutrition so that I can improve my personal food habits. I hope to be just as diligent about protecting myself from the sun too!
Chapter 17 - Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn't Fair
Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
No, I do not think that life is meant to be fair. I think that each individual endures their own personal battles, while some are bigger and some are smaller. I recognize that it is definitely difficult dealing with the bigger battle, but this big battle also teaches us a lot of lessons, and it also gives us many stories to tell. Being an atheist, I don’t necessarily think that things were planned out for us, so in that case there would be no reasoning that life could be “fair” for everyone, things just happen. There is a big part of me that wants to see things as “meant to be” though, because I believe that every old friendship or relationship we had has shaped us into who we are today, along with all the adversity we have faced. We can really take advantage of everything life throws at us when we see every event and encounter in our lives as beautiful and purposeful. Life can’t be fair because that is just not how it works. It sounds ridiculous when I write out what it means, that we all would deal with the same challenges and the same level of difficulty for them if life was “fair”. We would not be able to learn from each other, become more compassionate people, and we would not be able to be fascinated by different life stories. I think it is a waste of time to compare our lives to others and think about how life is not fair, because every single individual deals with their own challenges that we may never find out about.
Chapter 18 - Allow Yourself to be Bored
Do you take the time to be bored?
No, I don’t believe that I take the time to be bored, but I do think that I’m okay with not being busy. I used to believe that being busy is what makes someone a productive person, and that being a productive person makes you a more successful person. I viewed “successful people” as the pinnacle of all people, and absolutely everything is wrong about that. Once the concept was introduced to me that maybe you can be a person of very high value without always being busy and “productive”, my world started changing little by little. Yes, I think I have a very long way to go with acknowledging the importance of mindfulness and a slow life, but I am very glad that I have at least reached step one and acknowledged it. I spend a lot of time by myself, especially since COVID-19 started. I actually find that I need to have time to myself in order to not feel stressed and unhappy on a daily basis. I think I will soon make it a goal to be “bored” more often and have more peaceful time to myself, just listening to music and focusing on my breath and how I feel.
Chapter 19 - Lower Your Tolerance to Stress
Have you been taught to believe high stress is a positive thing?
Yes, I have definitely been taught to believe that high stress is a positive thing. Going into high school I was probably the most stressed I had ever been due to outside sources (not my own self). I was training about 13 hours a week for water polo while taking demanding courses and being involved in Leadership too. I was still figuring out how to manage my time, and I was very overwhelmed. I think that the worst thing that came out of that entire year was me beginning to console myself by saying something along the lines of, it’s okay you are becoming so successful! Looking back at this makes me nauseous because I recognize this is such a problematic thing to think, and can be the source of so many mental health difficulties. I’m still working to overcome this mindset that people have more value according to how busy they are, which almost automatically makes them more stressed and unhappy people. Sophomore year became a lot better for me and I decided to only participate in the activities that made me happy. This narrowed down a lot of my stress. I believe that I am the happiest with the things I do in my life currently as a senior in high school. My stress now stems a lot from mental health issues instead of outside sources, and that was the same case my junior year, so now I have a very negative view of high stress, and in my daily life I take as many precautions as possible to avoid stress.
Chapter 20 -Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter
When was the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
The last time I sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude was actually really recently, it was for Valentine’s day! I wrote a card to my mom from my sisters and I wishing her a Happy Valentine’s day, and I also wrote about how much we love and care for her. I could tell the card meant a lot to her, and we gave her flowers in a vase that had a plush bear wrapped around it as well which made her really happy. I really love writing cards of appreciation to my mom for holidays because I don’t think people thank their moms and tell them that they love them enough. My mom means so much to my sisters and I so we do our best to display our love for her when we can.